I’m So Sorry You’re a Girl…

A Story of Strength and Resilience…

I will never forget those words that my mother uttered to me one day when I was little… “I’m so sorry you’re a girl.”  I know what you’re thinking… what a cruel statement to make, right?  Actually, her intention was not what you’re thinking it was.  I do have to admit, for a moment, my heart sank as I asked her if she wished she had had a boy instead.  However, her reply was “No, I don’t wish you were a boy… I’m just sorry you’re a girl.” Then, after a heartfelt conversation, she was able to explain and appease my curiosity. And as a young girl, I quickly got over it… but I never forgot.  

It actually took me some years to fully understand exactly what my mother meant back then. Fast forward a number of years, and I now get it.  I completely get it… and now, with a daughter of my own, I find myself thinking the same thing.  It’s because of all that she will have to endure in life, as a woman.

But, what exactly am I sorry about? Am I sorry that she is going to have to go through the growing pains of a teenage girl, the female menstrual cycle that can be torturous once a month, the self-doubt and peer pressure that will be bestowed upon her, the young love heartbreaks she will endure, the competition she will go through with the male population, the discrimination she will face as a woman of color, the pleasure and exhaustion of raising children, and the possibility of having to prepare a young daughter of her own? How will I prepare her for the courageous fight that is ahead of her, and convince her that it is never an option to give up?

Whether I like it or not, giving my daughter the strength and resilience she will need in life is my job, and I have to work at it each and every day in order to make sure I get it done!  However, I also have to apply this same philosophy to myself.  Although I am much older, more experienced and more settled, doesn’t mean that I have it easy.  I am still learning, growing and evolving, and I have to adjust my lifestyle to fit the everpresent changes that occur not only in my world, but in the world around me.  I have to encourage myself, practice self-care and commit to ‘showing up’ for me, so that I can ‘show up’ for my daughter.

I have learned that being strong and confident in who you are, doesn’t mean that you have everything all figured out.  In actuality, sometimes it first takes being broken, to be able to piece yourself back together even stronger than before.  Realizing how valuable you are as a person, as a woman, even as a mother, is the best example of the strength needed to succeed in the world today.  It’s what stops you… from settling for something less, for thinking you’re undeserving, from doubting whether you can achieve… from doubting if you can succeed.

I share this story, as I do many others… not because I know it all, not because I am an expert, not because I’ve mastered some unknown secret… but rather, because I am a woman who has lived through a number of experiences and continues to do so.  We can only offer others what we know and have learned ourselves… which is exactly what I am doing.  Although I don’t refer to myself as an expert, I have gained experience and education that has enabled me to assist and coach women through a number of scenarios and challenges over the years.  And as I mentioned in my bio, it is something that I truly enjoy doing and something that I do well!

So… what will I continue to share with my daughter?  I will tell her the exact same things I tell myself everyday…  Trust in God, believe in yourself, know that you can accomplish all things. Trust that what you dare to dream can actually happen… if you work hard for it and believe it will!.

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