I’m tired of being a Mom. Yes, I am. I am literally sick and tired of all the things that I have to be responsible for. I just wish there was some sign I could hang on my front door that read “Closed for the Season” or “Off-Duty.” Although I would appreciate an “Out-To-Lunch” sign as well, it would not provide nearly as much respite as I feel I need at this point in my life. And yes, I am sure that some of you are shocked and appalled at me for making such a harsh statement, but I think it’s about time that I admit it to myself… and I have a feeling that some of you may know exactly what I am talking about and how I am feeling.
I don’t think that those of us who have other humans for which we are responsible, give ourselves enough credit for all of the work and responsibility that’s involved. I mean, let’s face it… is there really anyone else who can handle it in the same efficient manner, and with the same patience, grace and style? (And no, I am not taking anything away from those dedicated single fathers and partners who have this same responsibility. So, when I say “Mom,” much of this can be applied to your scenarios as well.)
So… what do I actually mean when I say I am sick of being a Mom? I am referring to the countless hours of handling all of the day-to-day stuff, but more importantly, the stuff that many aren’t even aware of. When I think back to some of the things I have had to do in my life to ensure safety, prevent malnutrition, distract from injury, encourage studies, heal the broken-hearted and keep the peace… It is all too much to name. However, I do have one story to share, just for emphasis. ALthough my children are in their teenage years, one actually off to college, this story goes back to when they were mere toddlers.
I remember like it was yesterday. It was early on in my marriage, and like many, we had our share of disagreements on perspectives and responsibilities. However, what I remember the most about that period of time in my life, is that I was tired – even then – even though we were just starting out. I was a full-time working Mom, both in and out of the home, and there just didn’t seem to be enough time in the day to get everything done that I had to. Nonetheless, I tried my hardest to give my all to everyone (especially my children) and most of the time, it just didn’t seem like it was enough. I was also tired of having to explain to others ‘why’ I was tired almost all of the time.
In any case, I remember having a disagreement with my husband about who was more fatigued, almost as if we were comparing war wounds or something. And then he said it. I can’t remember his exact words, but he implied something about how I really didn’t do as much as he did. … Well, that was it… I snapped!
“DO YOU CLIP TOENAILS?’ I yelled at the top of my lungs.
He looked at me with a stumbled and confused expression, and said “What??”
“DO… YOU… CLIP… TOENAILS?” I repeated.
“What are you talking about?, he asked.
“What I’m talking about are the kids’ toenails. Do you clip them? No, you don’t! I do!!. And that’s just one example of the million things I do and get done in a given day. I take care of, solve, handle and manage ALL of the things that you don’t. Things that you don’t think of, know about or could even imagine. You don’t know what I do, because you don’t have to worry about such things… because I work to get it all done!”
I can’t remember what came next. I think I stormed off and left the room, leaving him standing there dumbfounded. Although that could just be my dramatic imagination taking the scene to a whole other level. What more likely happened next was us continuing to stand there and argue over whatever task or chore was the point of contention that day. Either way, it was a travesty of parenthood and partnership. It wasn’t a necessary conversation, but one that I am sure we had on more than one occasion. What I should have done was shrug it all off. I know what I had to get done, and I know what I did. And either way, it didn’t matter what my husband or anyone else thought. I was tired, and I was allowed to be.
Sometimes I would occasionally wonder what would happen if I wasn’t there to get it all done… and then I tried not to think such negative thoughts. In any case, the moral of the story is to demonstrate the fact that you are not alone in your internal struggle of wanting to do it all perfectly, and not wanting to do anything at all anymore. If you are tired of being a Mom, you are entitled to feel that way, but know that you are a good Mom, nonetheless!
So… here is my quick rundown of some of the thoughts you SHOULD have as you continue on your Mom journey:
- Baby stage: It is ok to sleep whenever and wherever you can, even if that means in your car! Do not deprive yourself of rest, even when there is a ton of housework to be done. There will always be chores, but “time to rest” is a precious commodity! (I know this seems so cliche, but it is oh, so true!!)
- Toddler phase: It is ok to put yourself in time-out! Get a babysitter, family member, or someone to watch your little one, even when you have no special plans or anywhere to go… Target is always a good option and an easy getaway. Just go for a drive if you have to; it is necessary! You can pick up where you left off when you get back.
- Youth (elementary to middle-school): Just say your prayers daily – especially for strength! This is the phase of sports, concerts, plays, musicals, talent shows, band recitals, art exhibits, science fairs, and the list goes on. Hang in there… things will slow eventually. However, do not guilt yourself if you don’t make every performance or show… it happens, and what you do end up attending will provide enough good memories for all of you!
- Teenage years: Breathe!! We know what it was like to be that age, but at the same time, we don’t want to remember what it was like to be that age… I get it! Have patience… and LISTEN! Hear what they have to say and try not to interject as a parent in between their every word. Listen to their point of view and know that they are trying their best… despite what you may think. And respond with kindness and support in your heart!
- Young adult: This is new territory for me, as I am just now approaching this phase. But, what I plan to do is know that I have tried my hardest for all these years. I have to trust that all of my blood, sweat and tears were wor\tht it and meant something! Either way, I gave all that I had to give, with what I had… and so did you. Good job, Mom! Wherever their lives go from here on out, you did your part… and know that “your part” was always and will always be – good enough!
-Chintz 💄
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